My Struggle with Easter

The celebration of Easter is the pinnacle of our faith. The death and resurrection of Jesus is the event that is the central root of our worship. Easter is a wonderful, joyous season. 

But this year was different for me – I struggled. 

 

It wasn’t necessarily the good parts – the triumphant entry into Jerusalem, the praises, the overturning of the tables in the temple, the significant teaching moments, the Last Supper with its intimate conversations between Jesus and His disciples.

 

I struggled with the hard parts – the betrayal by Judas, the turning of the people against Jesus, the cruelty of the beatings and the brutality of the crucifixion.

 

I mean, I know most of us struggle with the ugliness of all of that. But what I struggled with is that it all had to happen in just that way to fulfill God’s plan of redemption.

 

I wonder what Jesus was thinking as He rode into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday.

It was a glorious day. His people were shouting “Hosanna!” They were celebrating His arrival, laying their coats and palm branches on His path. The King had finally arrived!

But He knew…

He knew that in a few short days everything would change. He knew that those same voices would be shouting for His crucifixion.

But as he came closer to Jerusalem and saw the city ahead, he began to weep.  Luke 19:41

Yes, He knew…

“How I wish today that you of all people would understand the way to peace. But now it is too late, and peace is hidden from your eyes.”  Luke 19:42

He knew that the plan had been set in place, and that the time had come. He knew that it was too late for those who opposed Him to change their course to peace. And He wept for them.

“…you did not recognize it when God visited you.”  Luke 19:44b

They had the Messiah, their Savior, right there in front of them. God Himself had visited them…and they missed it. 

 

On Monday, Jesus got angry.

He said to them, “The Scriptures declare, ‘My Temple will be a house of prayer,’ but you have turned it into a den of thieves.”  Luke 19:46

The religious leaders had turned His Temple into a place of greed by turning sacrifices into a money-making scheme.

They had placed that greed between the people and their God.

The Temple – the place that should have been a place of refuge, a place where all were welcome, a place for healing – was now exclusive to those who could afford to pay their way in.

 

Judas is a mystery to me.

He spent time with Jesus. He saw the miracles with his own eyes. He heard the promises first hand, just like the other disciples.

Yet when a worldly opportunity presented itself, 30 pieces of silver to give up Jesus, he took it. The physical security he could see seemed like a better choice than the spiritual security he was promised.

Matthew 27:1-5 tells us of the remorse Judas felt when he realized that Jesus had been condemned to die. Remorse so heavy that he hung himself.

Maybe he thought that Jesus would be arrested, but then released for lack of evidence. Maybe he thought Jesus would rise up against His captors and break free.

But when the weight of the consequences of his actions settled in, Judas was buried by guilt and shame.

Jesus knew about the betrayal, even before it happened. He told Judas at the last supper to “do what you’re going to do.”

There was no anger, no threat of retribution, no pronouncement of rejection. There was grace and forgiveness available to Judas…but he couldn’t see it through his guilt.

 

Before the Passover celebration, Jesus knew that his hour had come to leave this world and return to his Father. He had loved his disciples during his ministry on earth, and now he loved them to the very end.   John 13:1

Jesus knew what was about to happen.

He knew that Judas was going to betray him. He knew that Peter was going to deny him when the pressure was on.

And He loved them to the very end.

 

And then it was Friday…

 

Jesus was arrested, unfairly accused and convicted, rejected by His own people, beaten, humiliated, pushed to the limits of what His human body could bear, and crucified on a cross.

 

In my humanity I want to go back and change it all so that the people would have believed, that the Pharisees would have realized their errors, that Good Friday would never have happened.

I want to find another way, a gentler way.

 

But without that cruelty, that brutality, that crucifixion, there wouldn’t have been an Easter morning. I would still owe the price for my sin. The curtain in the temple would still be intact. I wouldn’t have the gift of the Holy Spirit. It all had to happen for me.

 

You see, the fact that Jesus chose to go through such darkness means that I am worthy of His light.

And it’s hard to really believe and accept that level of love, grace, and mercy sometimes. I certainly don’t deserve it. But He thought I was worth it.

 

The debt I owed for my sin has been paid. It has been purchased by His death on the cross.

The curtain in the temple has been torn in two and I have full access to my heavenly Father.

I have the gift of the Holy Spirit within me to guide, teach, and direct my path.

Now what will I do with all of that?

 

Jesus, I am in awe of your sacrifice. I am in awe that you think I am worthy of such a high price.

Help me to see myself as you see me. Help me to surrender myself to your grace. Help me to honor your sacrifice in the way I live.

Thank you, Jesus, for loving me that much.